How to Use Personality Tools to Foster Genuine Empathy

April marks Autism Acceptance Month, a time not just for education and visibility, but for something more profound: empathy in action. While awareness helps us recognize that neurodivergent individuals experience the world differently, acceptance asks more of us—it invites us to honor, support, and value those differences in our everyday lives.

One powerful, often underutilized tool in making this shift from awareness to acceptance? Personality frameworks like the Enneagram and MBTI.

Awareness Says “I See You.”

Acceptance Says “You Belong Here.”

Awareness might stop at facts: understanding that autism, ADHD, or dyslexia are part of human diversity. But acceptance is rooted in relationship. It requires that we adapt our behaviors, question our assumptions, and develop a more flexible, person-centered way of connecting.

Acceptance doesn’t mean agreeing with everything. It means approaching each person with curiosity instead of judgment—and honoring the dignity of how they navigate life.

How Personality Tools Can Help

While the MBTI and Enneagram weren’t designed with neurodivergence in mind, they offer language for self-expression and tools for deeper understanding. They help individuals—both neurodivergent and neurotypical—articulate emotional needs, stress triggers, and interpersonal dynamics in a non-pathologizing way.

Enneagram: Understanding Motivation Beneath Behavior

Unlike behavior-based typologies, the Enneagram focuses on inner motivation. This is especially helpful when someone's outward behaviors might be misinterpreted.

Here’s how understanding Enneagram core types can support empathy:

• Type One (The Reformer): Their need for integrity and structure may come across as rigid—but often stems from a deep sense of responsibility and fairness. Recognizing this helps us honor their consistency rather than resist it.
• Type Two (The Helper): Their desire to be loved and needed may mean they overextend themselves. For neurodivergent Twos, this could involve masking their own needs to care for others, making burnout a hidden risk.
• Type Three (The Achiever): Driven to succeed, Threes may hide their struggles. Neurodivergent Threes often learn to “perform” neurotypical behaviors, which can be exhausting and lead to self-alienation.
• Type Four (The Individualist): With a core desire for authenticity, Fours may feel deeply different. This can be especially validating for neurodivergent individuals who’ve been told to “fit in” their whole lives.
• Type Five (The Investigator): Needs space, privacy, and depth. Often seen in autistic or introverted neurodivergent profiles, Fives value internal order and get overstimulated by too much input.
• Type Six (The Loyalist): Craves safety and trust. What may seem like “over-worrying” is actually strategic scanning for threat or rejection—a common experience for many neurodivergent folks.
• Type Seven (The Enthusiast): Seeks stimulation and avoids pain. May be misread as scattered or impulsive, but often uses high energy and adaptability as tools for emotional regulation.
• Type Eight (The Challenger): Wants control and self-determination. A neurodivergent Eight may become defensive when feeling misunderstood—but their courage often drives systemic change.
• Type Nine (The Peacemaker): Longs for inner and outer peace. May avoid conflict to survive environments that haven’t always felt safe or welcoming.

MBTI: Communication and Energy Clarity

The MBTI helps us understand how people prefer to energize, process information, make decisions, and interact with the world. When applied compassionately, it can reduce miscommunication.

For instance:

• An INFP may seem “withdrawn” but is actually internally rich and emotionally sensitive.
• An ESTJ might thrive in structured roles but struggle with flexibility in unpredictable social settings.
• A neurodivergent INTJ may appear blunt, but they value clarity over convention—not a lack of empathy, just a different way of expressing it.

When we understand that behavior isn’t always indicative of emotion or intention, we open the door to more respectful dialogue.

Turning Insight Into Action

Here’s how you can move from knowing to accepting:

1. Speak the Language of Needs, Not Labels
   Instead of saying, “They’re difficult,” reframe it: “They might be a Type Five and need downtime to recharge.”
2. Create Space for Identity Exploration
   Let people define their experience in their own words. Tools like the Enneagram and MBTI aren’t boxes—they’re conversation starters.
3. Honor Difference Without Erasure
   Don’t push people to act neurotypical. Instead, ask: “What would support look like for you today?”
4. Model Vulnerability
   Share your own type or processing style. Self-awareness builds bridges faster than perfection ever could.

A More Empathic Future Starts Here

This April, let’s challenge ourselves to go beyond passive awareness campaigns. Let’s practice real-world empathy—by listening deeply, reflecting on our own patterns, and holding space for the full spectrum of human experience.

Personality insight isn’t a shortcut to understanding others—it’s a gateway. When used wisely, it helps us see beyond labels and appreciate the humanity behind every behavior.

And that’s where true acceptance begins.